Let's talk.

So, most people know that I have a personal problem with cheaters. Of all kinds. In discussion with some friends of my mine I was asked why. I was somewhat outraged that someone would need to ask that, but then I reigned it all in and remembered that not everyone shares my morals. So, with that on the brain I shall explain to the best of my ability. I'm going to focus on cheating in relationships, but really it applies to every aspect of cheating, with a change of vocabulary.

My thoughts on cheating. You don't do it. Period. There is a wrong way and a right way of dealing with a relationship, and cheating is on the wrong side. Why would you hurt someone you profess to care about that badly? No, it isn't about the equating emotion to sex. It isn't. It is about breaking promises, about breaking a contract, and is about harm. In the end, cheating isn't about tab A into slot B for the person being cheated on. The harm doesn't come from the sex act. It comes from the breaking of trust. For me, there is no excuse good enough. It is something you do not do. If it's bad enough that you need to go somewhere else, it's bad enough for you to say good bye. If you're an adult, you say good bye. Yeah, I'm black and white on it. Yeah, I'm implacable on the topic. No, nothing you say is going to change my mind. If my mother hasn't managed, and I'm damn sure you don't know nearly as many buttons as she does, I don't think you're going to manage. Save us both the trouble and don't try. I don't mind dialogue on the topic, but nothing is ever going to convince me I'm wrong. Also, if the statement "You have to understand the circumstances..." crosses your mind, let me alleviate you of the burden to explain this to me right now. I don't want to understand. I NEVER want to be the kind of person who understands why cheating on your partner is ok. Never.   
So, as a quick note I want to make it known that I only have issues with cheating not sleeping with someone you are not in a relationship or not the primary in your relationship. It specifically pertains to cheating.

There is the first part that bothers me in that you must lie to your partner in order to cheat on them. If you are in a relationship that isn't open, that doesn't view having sex with others as ok, then you don't sleep around. It seems pretty basic, honestly, but apparently is something that huge masses of people have issue with. Why would you stay with someone you have to lie to? Why would you stay with someone who has lied to you?

The second issue for me is the lack of respect. If you are not the kind of person who is comfortable in a monogamous relationship, why would you get into a relationship with someone who isn't comfortable in a poly or open relationship? And on the off chance that you do get into a monogamous relationship, and you do cheat, why would you consent to tie yourself to someone you don't respect? Doesn't that also speak to a lack of respect for yourself? And loyalty is KEY in my world. If you can't be loyal to the person you claim to love, how can you be loyal to anyone? Ugh. Betrayal is vile. VILE.

Third is the unholy amounts of cruelty there. Why would you hurt someone you love? Why? The breakdown of trust in ANY relationship is painful. We've all  lost friends, we've all lost lovers. So if you love someone, why would you do that much to hurt them? Even worse, why the hell would you go out of your way to do so? We hurt each other in small day to day slip ups, why would you go out of your way to hurt them? And don't give me that it just happened crap. It actually takes work to get tab A in slot B. Your dick does not slip, gentlemen. Ladies, his dick did not just slip. It takes work, whether or not there's planning. And if you go back for more? Well... now it's pre-meditated and you're twice the jerk.

The last thing that seriously bothers me about it, beyond the general dick move of it all, is the lack of self pride. You're sleeping with a married man? You've just told me that you think you're absolutely worthless. You have no integrity, you have no respect. Why on earth would I bother dealing with you? You aren't worthless, and that's by *your* admittance, not my own.

Condescending? Entirely possible, sure. I'm standing out on the high ground, I have a right to be. I've been cheated on. I have never cheated on one of my partners. I have been in both open and closed relationships. I have always been honest about what I want in a relationship. It isn't that hard to break up with someone, it may be easier to hurt them, but it isn't so hard that you *have* to.